You've Gotta Be Kiddin' Me
by HawkfireXWarrior
Summary: My first take on TF2 fanfiction! When Pyro causes the RED team to lose yet another battle that month, Scout is determined to find him and give him a piece of his mind. What he finds is shocking to him, and wonders how the team will react if they uncover Pyro's darkest secret... (Scout X Pyro!OC)
1. Chapter 1

Tightening his bandaged fist on his trusty bat, Scout was obviously seething. The RED team had scored yet another defeat this week. His brows furrowed in memory of the battlefield that had happened several hours ago. That damned Pyro waving that damn flamethrower around like it was nothing when Scout had captured the Intel.

Practically burned me with that thing. He thought in anger.

The fire Pyro's flamethrower spat out neared Scout's head during the battle, making him drop the Intel in surprise seconds before the battle was over with, giving the BLU Scout time to grab it, making the enemies win the confrontation.

It was true that Pyro was being a bit jumpy and reckless nowadays, just yesterday had he almost burned Sniper's hand with a lighter when the Australian was giving a friendly pat on the back to the pyromaniac.

Scout felt like giving a certain someone a piece of his mind.

"Who da' hell does that guy think he is?" He muttered to himself as he neared the door to Pyro's little sanctuary.

He sucked in a breath, realizing no one has ever went in there, nor has ever got the guts to. Sudden pride filled him as he also realized he would be the first, and furiously banged on the door with his fist.

"Pyro! Open up!"

He waited a few moments, yet he had heard no response or any sign that the thing had heard him. Furrowing his brows again, he banged his fist on the door, this time harder. "PYRO! I kno' you're in there! Open up, or I'm bustin' the door down!"

Still no response.

Scout ground his teeth together. He now heard movement from the other side; a soft pitter-patter of feet to be exact. It sounded as if a cat was scampering across the room. He jumped slightly when he heard a sharp BANG and a groan afterwards.

"That's it." He muttered.

He raised a foot and proceeded to kick the door until it suddenly burst open.

"God DAMM-"

He broke off and widened his eyes at the young woman that stood before him. His jaw slackened and he lowered his bat.

"What the-"

He didn't get to finish that sentence; because next thing he knew he was being tackled by the mysterious woman. He hit the ground with a grunt and felt his bat being pried out of his grip. He opened his eyes to see his bat swinging towards his face and all went black.

* * *

**Did I do bad on this? I think I did...alright. My writing is a little rusty, I admit it, and I was suffering a HUGE writers block becuas eme and my family were making arrangements for moving and I swear I didn't have a lot of time to even write!**

**I'll update Falling Apart as soon as I can! I'm working on the next Chappie, k?**

**Whaddya think of the new story? Did I capture Scout's personality right? Reviews are appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh fuck, oh FUCK!_ She thought as she dragged the unconscious and bleeding Scout into her room. She forcefully shut the door behind her and ran a hand through her messy hair. Pyro locked her eyes to Scout's head, which had an open gash where she struck him...with his own weapon.

She threw the slightly bloodied baseball bat onto her bed, immediately regretting it when the blood smeared itself onto her red blanket. The Pyro sighed in frustration, picking the bat up and dropping it onto the carpeted floor. She averted her eyes to Scout laying on the floor.

_Looks uncomfy,_ she thought as she pinched the bridge of her nose. _I really got myself into some shit, huh?_

She couldn't take him to Medic. God knows what answers she might have for him when she's hounded with questions, such as who he was assaulted by.

_A rainbow._ Pyro almost chuckled at the thought, but the situation she was in made her actions seem shameful.

Groaning quietly, she carefully wrapped her hands around his shoulders and heaved Scout upwards, causing her to almost drop back to the floor. She slowly dragged him to the side of her bed, where she lifted him a little higher and positioned him on the now red stained bed. Pyro puffed out a bit of breathe before turning to her desktop that she had stubbed her toe on earlier. She looked at herself in the mirror and sighed.

"Is this now what you've become?" She mumbled to herself. "Knocking out fellow teammates? Oh God..." She sighed. "Never had to deal with this back in Britain..."

Pyro brushed her sepia brown bangs out of her eyes and opened a desk drawer. She pulled out three white clothes, hydrogen peroxide, and bandages, then forcefully shut the drawer. She looked back at Scout to see if he had woken by the loud sound and clutched her supplies while quietly walking over to him. Pyro got to her knees and laid the items in front of her. She looked at his unconscious being and frowned; his blood was almost all over his face. Getting up again, she ran to her desk and retrieved a cloth.

After getting most of the blood off his face, Pyro clutched the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and carefully removed his hat and winced at the gash that bore itself on the very top of it's head.

Please don't get brain damage... She thought as she cleaned around the wound with another cloth.

When that was over, Pyro unscrewed the hydrogen peroxide and wet the last cloth with the liquid. She looked at Scout's injury again and closed her eyes.

"This is going to hurt..." She mumbled.

After the first few dabs Scout's closed eyes were twitching violently under the lids. Pyro felt a tad bit of sympathy for the guy.

He suddenly opened his eyes.

She jumped and almost dropped both cloth and bottle. His blue orbs stared at her for a second longer before he furrowed his brows and opened his lips. "What the fu-"

Pyro dropped the cloth to the ground and forcefully covered his mouth with her right hand, waiting a moment for him to quiet down; she glared right into his eyes. "Shut up. Unless you want another bat to the head I suggest you be quiet while I heal you!"

She removed her hand and retrieved the cloth as she felt holes being burned into her by his eyes.

"What the hell were ya put'n on my head? It hurt like hell!" Scout hissed. "Why did you hit me in th' first place anyway?!"

"Something to clean the gash." Pyro answered shortly. She crossed her arms and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry I did that, I really am. But...I was afraid you were going to run off and tell...somebody."

She stood and walked back to her desk where she screwed back on the bottle lid on the hydrogen peroxide and put it back in her desk drawer. When she turned around, she glared at the Scout who was attempting to sit up.

"Don't...you...dare." Pyro seethed. "You're NOT getting up! God knows what that head injury did to you..."

"Why the hell didn't ya take me to th' Medic?" He retorted. "Then I wouldn't have to worry 'bout a concussion or somethin'..."

Pyro turned her full body to him and put both hands on her hips. "I didn't want to be hounded with questions by him! How am I suppose to explain that head injury? Huh?!"

Scout's only response was silence and a glare.

She sighed in frustration and walked back to the bed. She bent down and plucked the bandages off of the floor, and slowly began to peel the bandage strip off of it's roll. "Lift your head." She muttered.

Thankfully, he did as he was told to. Pyro carefully wrapped the white bandages around his head and covered up the gash. Only a bit of blood was seeping through the wraps, but not that much.

Pyro handed him his hat which he gratefully put on.

"Where'd ya learn how ta do that?"

So he speaks...again.

"I had to learn," Pyro replied. "I didn't want anyone to find out, but fate had other plans for me." She glared at him as he sat up. "I trust you'll be quiet about this."

Scout glared right back. "You're expectin' me to keep your secret? From everyone out there?!"

Pyro's glare softened. "Yes...please. God knows what'll happen to me if they knew I..." She trailed off.

Scout looked at the ground and sighed. "Fine." He got to his feet and stretched.

"At least take it easy until the next battle, okay?" Pyro inquired. "If you're feeling dizzy, then you can go see the Medic." Her gaze hardened. "You tripped and fell, you understand?"

Scout nodded and plucked his bat from the floor. He proceeded to walk past her and reached for the door handle.

"Scout?" Pyro mumbled.

He casted her a sideways glance over his shoulder. "What?"

She sighed. "Thank you...for...agreeing to keep this secret."

Scout opened the door and stepped out of the frame, where he smirked at her. "No problem."

When he shut the door, Pyro wondered if she should have hit him harder.

* * *

**Oh...this is alright. I'm writing an 'okay' fanfiction right? Is the plot dumb? Is Scout too OOC? Is he even OOC at all? I hope not! Anyways, reviews are appreciated! And I'll gladly accept criticism!**


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